Heinz creates one sauce to rule them all

Heinz has released a new product that is apparently the 'Holy Grail of All Sauces.'

It reminds me of something I’d make when let loose on the all-you-can-eat buffet sauce section at the tender age of 7 years old.

Every Sauce, quite appropriately named, features (almost) every sauce in Heinz's flavour range. 14 of them to be exact.

Every day we stray further from the light of God. And our taste buds.

The sauce features ALL of the following:

Heinz’s Burger Sauce, Garlic Sauce, Aioli Sauce, Smokey Baconnaise, Sweet Chilli, Chip Sauce, Saucy Sauce, Mayoracha, Mayomust, Truffle Mayo, Garlic & Caramelized Onion Mayo, Curry Ketchup, Pickle Ketchup and Smokey Bacon Ketchup.

I don’t know what compelled the brand to create this monstrosity. I also don’t know what would compel anyone to buy it, let alone EAT IT.

But this isn’t the first time we’ve seen food companies create some weird sh*t. And most of the time, it’s not for culinary excellence.

That much is obvious.

Instead, these monstrosities are usually created for one of two reasons: buzz (of course), or keeping things interesting for retailers who like novelty products to liven up their shelves.

'Imagine the dilemma of these food manufacturers who have to show up every month or every quarter,' Edward McLaughlin, a marketing professor with a food-industry focus at Cornell University, told Marketplace.

'And they say to the supermarket buyer, "Well, we have nothing going on this quarter. I just hope you buy more of our products."'

And Heinz isn't the only brand that's trying to keep their product range, um, interesting.

There's also French’s ketchup-flavoured popsicles, Cheetos flamin’ hot ice cream, Tropicana cereal and JUICE.

Yes, you read that right.

As crazy as it sounds, there’s been a huge increase in brands introducing flavour combinations and products that are questionable, to say the least.

But there have also been some cool products to emerge from the weird trend.

Jet Puffed released a ‘Marshmallow’ Pillow that cost $1.79, the price of a bag of marshmallows.

'The pillow mirrors the brand's jet-puffing technology, a process used since the 1950s that adds the perfect amount of air into its marshmallows,' the brand explains. The queen-size pillows are made from 'luxurious white satin,' stuffed with 100% recycled polyfiber fill.

Okay, well, now I want one.

Hot Pockets released limited-edition cargo shorts with an INSULATED POCKET. Like an oven mitt sewn into your shorts, the insulated pocket keeps your Hot Pocket warm without burning your hips.

Talk about dressing tastefully, huh?

When it comes to Heinz's new Frankenstein of a sauce, I guess it’s not so shocking of a marketing move after all.

Besides, it’s a limited edition.  They're only making 100 bottles of the stuff. And the only way to get your hands on one is to complete a quiz to prove you’re one of the most ‘Obsauced’ people in the UK, where the campaign is taking place.

Quiz questions include how many bottles of sauce you have at home, what your favourite sauce is, etc.

And according to the Heinz website, Every Sauce tastes better than it sounds.

Still, the bar is on the floor here.

Takeaways for us:

• Novelty creates buzz. Unusual and unexpected product combinations, like the godforsaken Every Sauce, capture attention and generate conversation. These products often go viral on social media, drawing in a broader audience while also creating polarising responses from consumers, either for and against the product. Because all press is good press, right?

• Create scarcity. We always want what we can’t have, and FOMO is one hell of a drug. That’s why consumers often perceive limited-edition products as more desirable.

• Don't be afraid to experiment. Modern consumers, especially younger ones, often seek new and adventurous food experiences (like 7-year-old me at the buffet). We also saw this earlier in the year with Dr Pepper’s rise in popularity, thanks to trends on TikTok of users experimenting with questionable flavour combos.

All of this is very Stoner-Esque. But honestly, I think it’s cool when brands push the boundaries and give us something different for a change.

I also may or may not be mixing all the sauces in my household to recreate this Frankensauce. I’ll get back to you with a taste report if I’m not in hospital.

-Sophie, Writer